Liar, Liar
by Scarlet Phlame
Summary: One wish and the Doctor isn't allowed to tell a single lie for an entire day. This won't end well. Alternate universe, where the Doctor is livving with Rose and her family. ONESHOT, crackfic. (I own nothing.)


"Just tell me what the end of that sentence you were gonna say was!" Rose thundered, following the Doctor into the kitchen.

"No," the Doctor said simply.

"But you burnt up a sun to tell me," Rose said, exasperated.

"Yes, I did."

"Hey!" Rose yelled, following him out of the kitchen and into the living room. "Tell me now!"

"Yes, that's it!" the Doctor suddenly exclaimed. "Jackie, I figured out how to fix the television! And also who stole your doughnut."

"Who was it!" Jackie shrieked, running into the room.

"Is that a gun," the Doctor spoke slowly.

"Yes, it is."

"You're gonna shoot whoever took your doughnut," the Doctor said incredulously.

"I'm prepared."

The Doctor wiped some crumbs off his face. "Never mind. Maybe the air particles dissolved it. You know how alternate universes are."

After Jackie had stormed off, Rose went up to the Doctor.

"You're such a liar," she exclaimed.

"No, I'm not," the Doctor duly replied.

"Yes, you are."

"Not."

"Are."

"Not."

"Are."

"Not."

"Are."

"Are."

"Not."

Pause.

"Damnit!" Rose yelled.

"Ha!" the Doctor finished. "Wait, what's that, it doesn't look right." he motioned towards a giant slit in the air, shaped like a tear in fabric but what appeared to be the galaxy. "Hold on, don't say anything. This alternate universe stuff is tricky and anything can happen." he leaned closer to inspect.

"I wish you couldn't tell a lie for one day, just one, nooo, but you have to go and- what's wrong?" Rose froze in the middle of her sentence- (hey, that rhymed!) and stared at the Doctor.

"Rose!"

"What!"

"What did I tell you!"

"What do you mean!"

"Don't say anything!" the Doctor thundered.

"You're saying stuff now," Rose said defensively.

"This stuff... Rose, whenever you ask a question, it comes true," the Doctor said slowly.

"Liar," Rose laughed.

"Not lying," the Doctor said through gritted teeth. "I'm quite serious." Rose's eyes widened.

"You mean you can't-"

"Stop! No asking questions!" the Doctor yelled.

"Umm... so you're saying you can't tell a lie and I need to make this a sentence so the other day my cat died of cancer," Rose said smoothly.

"You don't have a cat," the Doctor said slowly.

"Yes, but I can't say questions," Rose said.

"Yes, I can't tell a lie," the Doctor said finally.

"YEESSSSS!" Rose screamed. "Wait... I can't ask questions in here, but what about the other room, because I like coffee."

The Doctor shook his head. "Very clever. It'll close itself up, but if we leave the area, we should be able to ask questions."

"Let's go, then!" Rose said, pulling him out of the house. "All right. What's your name?"

"The Doctor. I told you," the Doctor said with a sigh.

"Darn it," Rose groaned. "Okay... umm... do you love me?"

"Laaaalaaaaalaa!" the Doctor sang, covering his ears. "I can't hear you!"

"Oh, stop it!" Rose yelled. "Just say it! Why can't you say it?"

"Becaause that makes it real," the Doctor replied finally.

"What's so bad about it being real?"

"Because when it's real then it can be lost," the Doctor finally replied. "If something doesn't exist then it's impossible for it to die."

"Deep," Rose said slowly.

"Is this an interrogation?" the Doctor asked wearily.

"Yes!" Rose said cheerfully. "All right, what color is the TARDIS?"

"There's got to be a way out of it," the Doctor said slowly. "It's... rrr-"

"What color is the TARDIS?"

"It's rrrrrrr- rrrrrrrrrrr- rrtir-rrrrrrrr-"

"I'm listening," Rose said patiently.

"Rrrrrrrrrrroyal blue," the Doctor finally said. "Damnit!'

"Ha!" Rose laughed. "I could do this all day!"

.

Five hours later...

.

"Do you love me?" Rose asked at the supermarket cheerfully.

"Yes."

"How about now?"

"Yes."

"Still now?"

"Yes."

"What's going on?" Mickey wondered as he passed the couple.

"I can't lie," the Doctor spoke through gritted teeth.

"Ha, good one. Eggs are on sale today, you should get 'em," Mickey said cheerfully.

"We already have a bunch of eggs," Rose responded.

"Grrr."

"What's he grumpy about?" Mickey asked.

"My whole planet burned down," the Doctor said slowly.

"Whoa, no angst allowed here, this is a crackfic," Mickey said, putting his hands up. "I'll see you later."

"Bye!" Rose called, before turning to the Doctor. "How about now?"

"AAAGH!"

.

"Oi, Doctor, my 'usband says he saw you eat my doughnut, is that true?" Jackie asked as she walked up the front porch. Rose and the Doctor were sitting on the lawn.

"Yes," the Doctor answered slowly.

"Whaaaat?" Jackie's jaw dropped. "You're kidding me!"

"Not."

"OHMIGOD!" Jackie shrieked, running into the house to get a hatchet.

"PLLLLEEEEASE take it back and let me lie again!" the Doctor yelled once Jackie was out of sight.

"No."

"Why?"

"Because it's fun."

"I can't believe this," the Doctor groaned.

"Sure you can."

"Yes, I can."

"What was the first thing my mom ever said to you?" Rose asked.

"You don't want to know."

"I guess I don't," she said with a frown. "But how bad could it be?"

"Bad."

"Really?"

"No, worse than bad."

"Okay, then," Rose said slowly. "I'll take your word for it."

"WAIT!" the Doctor suddenly yelled. "Your mom is in the house!"

"So?"

"She can't ask a question!"

"Dad's out, she hasn't got anyone to talk to," Rose said dismissively.

"She talks to herself sometimes."

"Oh sh*t."

Both ran into the house to find Jackie standing in front of a pink television. Which had normally been black.

"Mom, why's the television pink, because it's pink," Rose said carefully.

"Isn't it great? All I did was say 'Don't you look pretty' when I was facing the TV, although i was really talking to myself, and then it turned pink somehow!" Jackie squealed.

"Don't ask any more questions," the Doctor said slowly.

"Why not?" Jackie asked, just as she said this a huge knot appeared in front of her that was shaped like a Y.

"That's why," Rose said slowly.

"This is weird," Jackie said finally. "I wonder what else it does. Can I have a coffee?"

A coffee stain appeared on the rug.

"Never mind," Jack grumbled. "Take it back!" Nothing happened.

"It needs to be a question," the Doctor said.

"Can't you take it back?" Jackie asked. The rug repaired itself.

"That's cool," Rose said. "Can I have a hair pin?"

"Stop it!" the Doctor suddenly yelled. "These objects are coming from somewhere. Every time you ask for one, it disappears somewhere else in the other universe."

"Oh," Rose said, placing the pin back on the ground. "But what about you-"

"NOOOOO!" the Doctor yelled. "Don't ask anything else! I'll handle this." he walked over and inspected the rip. "Can't you disappear?"

The rip sealed itself up at these words and the trio breathed a sigh of relief.

"Phew, it's gone elsewhere," Jackie said as the other things also vanished.

"I guess I can lie now," the Doctor said. "The TARDIS is... is... RED!"

"Bummer," Rose said. "Wait... do you love me?"

"STOPPPITTTTT!" the Doctor yelled, running offscreen. Rose giggled.

"Oh well, it was fun while it lasted."

Suddenly, the phone rang. Jackie put it on speaker.

"HELP!" the voice of Rose's father yelled. " THERE'S A RIP IN THE WALL AT MY OFFICE!"


End file.
